Myself.

I think everyone goes through that stage in their life when they are all a sudden lost. When you begin to question every decision you've ever made, and wonder what it is you should be doing in this 'Big Wide World'. Its a time when everything and everyone around you is starting to change, grow and move on with their lives; and as someone who doesn't cope to well with change, its not the best situation to be in.

A lot has happened within the past year of my life. Things that were out of my control, and still are. But what I now know, is how much they've taught me and how much I've learnt about myself.

Loosing a friendship you thought you'd have for eternity, leaves you feeling unbelievably empty. Grieving for somebody who is still alive and breathing; who you had all these amazing moments and an indescribable connection with, crushes you from the inside out. Literally.

Its so very easy to let yourself fall apart, let the sadness eat away at you. Don't. I'm not saying don't be sad, or don't cry, or don't miss them, because keeping it in only makes it worse. What I am saying is, don't let it control you. Don't let your sadness take over your life, because you won't thank yourself for it. You can't let other people control your happiness. 

People come into your life for a reason, and they leave for one too, and if they're meant to fill more pages of your story, they'll be back. Whether thats in 5 years, 10 years or 30 years time; if it's meant to be, it'll be. I've learnt a lot about myself from the friendship I've lost, and for that, I will be forever grateful. I also learnt not to depend on people too much. Because at the end of the day, the only person you can guarantee who is going to be there for you, and put you first, is you.  It's therefore made me realise my self worth, I wish I had realised it whole lot sooner. 

As you grow up, people grow apart and go their separate ways... or maybe the timing just wasn't quite right and you'll meet this person again in the future and you'll wonder why you left each others lives in the first place. Whatever the future holds, I think every friendship you loose definitely remains in a part of your heart, letting you know about the part of you you didn't even know existed and of all the lessons you've learnt. 

What I do believe in, is making amends. Living everyday as if it is your last and embracing all the people you have in your life at the moment. Sometimes you just have to let things go and move on. It doesn't mean you care any less or that you ever will for that matter, for me, It does mean I realise when I'm giving someone the best of me to get very little, or nothing in return. 

Everything thats happened this past year has helped me find myself, it's helped me realise what I wanted to be and who I needed to become. 

One bit of advice I will give you is, never place your happiness in the hands of another because they'll only drop it. 

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